The Control Circle... finding empowerment in what you can do and letting go of what you can't

It can be really hard to figure out what we can actually do. This work can feel a bit disempowering in some ways… but once you are clear about what you can actually and directly choose, it helps you focus on the things that you can do that will fit well with you in the long run, providing a sense of clarity and freedom.

I made this video a few years ago… and it’s my first one. I tend to talk a bit fast, and this video is no exception. If you want to slow the video down, watch it in YouTube, select the gear icon to access settings, and lower the speed to 75%.

SMART Recovery Family & Friends has a similar concept called the Hula Hoop.. and because they pull from Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, while I’m in the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy camp, we end up sorting these human experiences a little differently, because we see them a little differently. That’s okay.

To play with this, choose a situation in your life. It can be helpful to start easy at first and then work your way up to the things you struggle with. You can also approach this tool with a more open mindset and generally explore what parts of your human experience you can directly choose… and what you can’t. Whatever is best for you.

As you are playing with this concept ask yourself what part of your experience of focus that can you actually choose, and place those in the circle. Ask yourself what parts can you perhaps encourage or influence, but not directly choose, and place those outside. Notice how it is to do this. Notice which of these things on the outside of your control that you have been working really hard at controlling, and invite yourself to wonder what it would be like to let that go. Notice what is within your ability to choose that is related to that thing on the outside… and what, among those options, actually align with the kind of person that you want to be. And then whatever those options are…that’s what you focus on and put your energy towards.

“With the universe exactly as it is, what can I do that is directly within my control, that fits well with me in the long run?”

Although I can’t control how this tool landed for you, I can offer it to you as one of my favorites, with the hope that it will be helpful in some way. 💙